Friends with benefits: My personal experience

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Friends with benefits (FWB) relationships have been around forever and continue to thrive amongst millennials.  FWB relationships are so appealing because you have this friend who you can totally be yourself around and they can also make you cum with no strings attached. For a person with a busy career or someone just looking for some sexual healing without all the complicated stuff, FWB relationships are a perfect fit. I was in second year coming out the WORST heartbreak of my entire existence (Yoh just thinking about that heartbreak gives me chills lol) when a good looking tall caramel man entered my life. I knew from the word go that I was not looking for anything serious because I had only just healed from the last guy. I was looking for fun and that was it.

It was probably on our third date on his birthday and I had taken him out for dinner when I came right out and said “I don’t want anything serious. I just wana have fun.” He was very shocked because by all standards he is the dream guy and he was so sued to girls wanting to husband him. Tall, VERY good looking, good career etc but all I saw was this sexy thing I wanted to jump. He was disappointed (more of a bruised ego actually) but he started warming up to the idea because I mean which guy is going to say no to Nollie? (Kidding not kidding). It was at that dinner that we set ground rules for our set up.  It’s very important that you and the other person are on the same page when doing the whole FWB thing otherwise things get a bit tricky.


For the first time in my life I was not bothered whether he texted, called or even opened a door for me. Without the expectation of us becoming anything, we were both able to be ourselves more. And because of this we actually became really good friends. We could talk about anything and occasionally gave each other heartbreak advice as I learned that he too was healing from a former love. The whole experience was also very sexually liberating. It helped me to become more vocal about what I wanted, what I liked and what turns me on. For so long I had been kind of afraid to hurt a guy’s feelings by telling him what I wanted or what he should stop but the whole FWB situation taught me that I need to be in control of my own pleasure and not rely on some guy who doesn’t know that clitoral stimulation is where it’s at.

With a buddying friendship and great sex the evident able happened, we caught feelings. Both at separate times so when he wanted more I didn’t and when I wanted more he didn’t. It became this toxic cycle of friending and unfriending each other. The friendship and sex were so intertwined so we knew we had to break it off.

I know I went into the whole thing FWB things like ‘I’m not going to catch feelings cause I’m a badass bitch who is in control of her emotions’ but the FWB relationship ended up helping me realise that my heart lives in my vagina and I’m not ashamed of that. Sex without emotions is boring for me.  Doesn’t make me any less of a bad ass bitch, just makes me an honest bad ass bitch.

Would I go back and go it again? HELL YES! It was such a liberating experience when a man who respected me and my body and I learned so much about myself through that experience. Safe sex is fun and enjoyable and women should be able to want sex without emotion without any judgement. Just because I can’t have sex without emotion doesn’t mean the next woman can’t. I just want women to be able to choose what they want and be unapologetic about their choice. Its your vagina bbz.



With love,




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