So you weren’t actually crying for one thing but you were crying about everything you had bottled up. So you let it all out until you feel that throbbing in your head and the dryness in your throat. There are no more tears left. You’ve surrendered to a war that was never your fight to begin with. Its time to sleep. That ‘I need to run away from this pain/take me away’ nap. That deep after wail nap.
You know that feeling when you’ve just gone through something terrible and you just cry. Like hard cry/wail cry. You can feel yourself over crying but you know you have to cry like this cause its been so much built up pain.
And while you’re napping just as you hit the deepest part of your sleep (the part between consciousness and surrender) someone gently shakes you and wakes you up to tell you good news. To tell you that your situation isn’t as bad as you thought it was. You’re still dazed from your deep sleep but relief takes over. And all of a sudden that after crying feeling becomes refreshing. Like an uninvited yet welcomed source of release.
Then you’re sitting on your bed half asleep and half awake but you can tell by the excitement in the other persons voice that the win is a historic one. They embrace you and hand you some water to soothe and calm you (and hydrate you cause you lost buckets from crying) and help you fully wake up from your deep sleep.
The more you wake up, the more you can comprehend the good news you’re hearing and it just keeps getting better and better. You’ve actually won the war.
That’s what my life feels like right now. Refreshing and soothing. Waking up to Christ and realizing it’s not as bad and it just keeps getting better. And everyday I’ve been drinking water and waking up more and it feels amazing. That’s my best definition of grace.