So two weeks something told me to do a fast.I had never successfully completed a fast because I always gave into temptation or my heart wasn’t fully into it. But this time was different. I was feeling a little overwhelmed and my spirit was just tired.Like a part of me was just tired of doing it all and losing it all and having to get up all by myself just to do the same thing all over again. So the next day I started the Daniel fast for 10 days and those were the most life changing 10 days of my life! I didn’t know how disconnected I was from God until the fast. I was forced to confront all the pain and the baggage without having comfort food and a glass of wine to put me to sleep. Its just God, yourself and all this pain.
The first 4 days were the hardest. Eating only fruits and veggies was draining and my energy tank was low and I was craving everything under the sun. I spent A LOT of time watching online services from great pastors such as Brian Houston, Carl Lentz and my favourite Bishop TD Jakes, reading and trying to consume has much as I could. Everyday I started to feel more and more connected to God and I could literally feel the grace of God moving in my life. Day 5 as very emotional. I don’t know why but I cried a lot for a lot of things and then I prayed and went to bed. I woke up feeling a peace I had not felt in a very very long time and from then on I was not enduring my fast but enjoying it.
I think the reason I was so emotional throughout is that when its you and God, you can’t hide. You’re vulnerable in a safe space and it just feels so good. I cry when I’m happy and I cry when I’m sad so there were a lot of tears. I always hear people say “It is well with my soul” and I never quite got it until I did this fast. Its a different kind of peace knowing the creator of the World loves you, cares for you and has your back. That everything that has ever happened to you has happened for a reason. That regardless of how badly you mess up God is always waiting to save you with grace. That you don’t have to do it all by yourself and that you aren’t alone. You were created for a special purpose if only you could surrender and accept that.
I now look forward to spending time with God everyday and writing in my journal before bed. All of this taught me that I cannot do life without God and that I needed to surrender to everything in my life. Accept everything as it is and just look forward.
Its Monday morning and I had my driving lesson this morning and while driving I just couldn’t help realise how beautiful the today was. The sun was shining right on my skin, the wind blowing so perfectly and my driving instructor was just next to me smiling and admiring Gods creation. There was no place I wanted to be but in that moment (clutch balance and all). That my friend is peace. It is well in my soul.
Psalm 119:7 It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.
With love, Nollie.