She knows, we know and God knows it’s about to go down.
She knows better, we know better and God has shown us better.
She’s tried to leave, we’ve helped her pack and God has shown us the way.
She’s cried too much, we’ve watched her hurt countless time and God has sent us comfort.
But her heart and head have divorced and the heart has full custody of her. Her head can keep her faith, beliefs, self-worth and standards. All the heart wants from the divorce is instant gratification, external validation, lust and love.
She’s so in love that she doesn’t even recognize herself. She’s given herself away and she doesn’t even want herself back. He can have her. All of her just as long as he has her and no one else.
She has given herself away (for free) to someone who isn’t on the market. No one has dared to say ‘side chick’ but we’re all thinking it when she starts to talk about him. She is the other woman, the hidden texts, the late night calls, the spontaneous visits and the smitten hidden caregiver.
She has unknowingly begun to compare herself to his girlfriend. She tells us how unhappy he says he is, how bossy and annoying the girlfriend is and how he says he is going to leave her. She says it with such force and conviction that at times I don’t know if she is trying to convince us or herself. My friend who as always had the sweetest soul has let darkness creep into her heart.
She is says she can’t lose him again. That the pain of living without him was unbearable and for the first time in months the sun has come out to play. That she can sleep for 8 hours, laugh freely and cheers to love and that the burden of moving on is no longer something she has to carry.
“I can’t live without him” she tells me while looking at her hands trying to avoid my judging gaze. “Every time he leaves, I fall apart and I can’t pick up the pieces. I’d rather have him like this than to not have him at all”. I start saying a silent prayer for her and every girl who has allowed themselves to settle. She could have been anyone of us. She is your sister, your friend, your doctor or even the girl who seems to have it all. Forgive her Lord, she hasn’t yet touched on the power of loving herself.
There is nothing any of us can say that she hasn’t said to herself. She knows she is killing herself slowly but she likes the self-inflicted pain and her poison is readily available when she is. She has decided to take her love story into her own hands and push God’s plans for her aside. “If God didn’t want us to be together then why does it feel so right? Love is hard and I’m prepared to work. “
My friend is in trouble. She knows it, we know it and God knows it about to go down.
And when it does start fall apart, we’ll be there once again as we always have been just waiting to her help pick up the pieces.