Surrendering.

I really do not have anything against new year’s resolutions. I actually think it’s important to set a goal or want to better yourself and change your habits.  My new year’s resolution is probably the easiest I’ve ever set for myself. Mine is to simply stop taking life so seriously. I am a serious type A personality and control freak. I plan events months in advance, I am always 10 minutes early for everything, I call to confirm 3 times and because of this I can be very pushy. Procrastination does not exist to me.

This need for control has made me so independent that its actually annoying. I cannot rely on people for anything and need to do everything for myself because I know I will get it done and won’t disappoint myself. This independence is something I pride myself on but it has made me so closed off to people who need me to open up. I keep people at distance because it’s easier.  I overthink everything and I’m constantly worried that I’m bothering people. I know it’s weird but anyone who knows me will know I always ask “I am disturbing you?”. I never want anyone to feel my presence as a burden. And because I never ask for help, I constantly get overwhelmed and extremely stressed out.

I overthink everything to the point that it makes me so cautious and serious about everything. This year I plan on taking it easy. I’m literally daring myself to wing this life thing. It’s been going well and because of my new openness, I have become friends with people I would have never imagined being friends with and seen places I didn’t know existed. This openness however has however forced me to deal with my issues with vulnerability and accepting help. Although it’s been overwhelming and at times I have regressed to my old habits, I’ve applauded myself for the little strides I have made. This is the one new year’s resolution I plan on keeping still December 31st.

We just take ourselves way too seriously. So I dare you to surrender to life with me this year. Whatever happens, happens.

With love, Nollie.

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2 thoughts on “Surrendering.

  1. Surrender. That word. It reminds me that no matter how sure I am of what I think I’m supposed to do —God knows best so I need to give it all to him

    Liked by 1 person

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