I will never get used to having a period. I’m sorry but that shit is not natural. I go crazy every single time! I dreamt about swimming in stack of pancakes and I woke up wanting Spur ribs. I ended up having a decent breakfast with my bestie and now I want Wimpy waffles. My hormones are costly.
Once a month I feel really fat. I’m bloated and my hands and feet are swollen. My jeans feel tighter and my boobs are sore (big which I love but sore). I feel like an elephant (no shade directed to any elephants reading this).
I have tears on standby. I can cry for literally anything. I saw the same homeless person I see every day and I started crying. I cried because I miss my niece, I cried because my friend told me she can’t wait to see me, I cried when I thought of why I have a period and I cried when I couldn’t find my favourite lipstick that was in my back pocket. God bless the people have to deal with me during this time (especially Irene).
I sweat like crazy. Regardless of what I wear and how cold the water is that I shower in, I sweat. I sweat just thinking of the sun coming up. Its fucken hot fam. Oh and I swear like crazy! Once a month words like cunt, motherfucker and bitch ass nigga become very frequent in my vocabulary. The irony is that the one time of the month that I am reminded that I am a woman, is the time I become least ladylike.
I become resentful of God. I don’t understand why girls who aren’t having sex need a confirmation that we aren’t pregnant! We know we aren’t! I can’t wait to meet Eve. She and I are going to have a deep ass DMC.
I also have a really short fuse so don’t fuck with me (its for your own safety).
I become a zombie, literally. I have the worst period pains and I drink crazy amounts of painkillers to stay sane and in the process I become numb. Just a cussing elephant zombie with tears in her eyes looking for food (Its quite the sight to see).
Regardless of my rant this time next month I will be going through the same thing. Women are some bad ass bitches, God bless us.
Zombie Nollie signing out.