Once a month I become someone else, literally.

I will never get used to having a period. I’m sorry but that shit is not natural. I go crazy every single time! I dreamt about swimming in stack of pancakes and I woke up wanting Spur ribs. I ended up having a decent breakfast with my bestie and now I want Wimpy waffles. My hormones are costly.

Once a month I feel really fat. I’m bloated and my hands and feet are swollen. My jeans feel tighter and my boobs are sore (big which I love but sore). I feel like an elephant (no shade directed to any elephants reading this).

I have tears on standby. I can cry for literally anything. I saw the same homeless person I see every day and I started crying. I cried because I miss my niece, I cried because my friend told me she can’t wait to see me, I cried when I thought of why I have a period and I cried when I couldn’t find my favourite lipstick that was in my back pocket. God bless the people have to deal with me during this time (especially Irene).

I sweat like crazy. Regardless of what I wear and how cold the water is that I shower in, I sweat. I sweat just thinking of the sun coming up. Its fucken hot fam. Oh and I swear like crazy! Once a month words like cunt, motherfucker and bitch ass nigga become very frequent in my vocabulary. The irony is that the one time of the month that I am reminded that I am a woman, is the time I become least ladylike.

I become resentful of God. I don’t understand why girls who aren’t having sex need a confirmation that we aren’t pregnant! We know we aren’t! I can’t wait to meet Eve. She and I are going to have a deep ass DMC.

I also have a really short fuse so don’t fuck with me (its for your own safety).

I become a zombie, literally. I have the worst period pains and I drink crazy amounts of painkillers to stay sane and in the process I become numb. Just a cussing elephant zombie with tears in her eyes looking for food (Its quite the sight to see).

Regardless of my rant this time next month I will be going through the same thing. Women are some bad ass bitches, God bless us.

Zombie Nollie signing out.


2 thoughts on “Once a month I become someone else, literally.

  1. You have managed to bring to life the mixed bag of hormones and emotions in technicolour that we suffer through on a monthly basis.You have managed to explain to those poor souls(“boyfriends”) were that feared, wretched, not widely spoken about monster is. You have given it an identity. You have proved that nothing is impossible.


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