Be careful for what you pray for.

From the first day I started at University my prayers always ended with me saying “God please please speak to my mom and let her let me move out”. For a good year my prayers would end like that. I envied the flexibility and freedom that people staying out of home had. I craved that independence and space and this year God spoke to my mom and she let me move out (finally!). It was the most perfect timing as I hadn’t started my year off on the greatest foot and I was lost and looking for something new. A new way to grow. I was looking to find peace.

The first week on my own was the most overwhelming experience.   Once the excitement died down and goodbyes were said I was left with myself and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to cook, I’ve never had to clean or do my own laundry (I know realize how blessed I am!) and I didn’t have anyone to say good morning  to.  So I decided to buy myself some comfort food so off to Pick n Pay I went. I’ve never had to go grocery shopping for myself so I didn’t know where to start. I went from aisle to aisle and everything just didn’t look the same as it had before and before I knew it I was having a breakdown in the frozen food section (tears and all).  I was so overwhelmed and I already missed home 4 days in.

“When God wants you to grow, he makes you uncomfortable”

I had prayed so hard for this so why was this happening? By the end of the month I was 4kgs lighter, running of clean clothes and I miserable with loneliness. The space I had wanted so badly was too big for me. So I reached out to my safety blanket(my mom) and told that I was I so lonely and she said the most comforting thing: “I’m so lonely without you too but you’re growing up and I’m so proud”. The person I had asked  God to set me free from had done just that and with confidence that I would be alright and just like that I picked myself up and decided that I had to make the best of this situation. I would either be miserable and move back home or I would make this the best damn experience of my life. I choose the latter and I’ve been having a ball since!

“And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance” -Lee Ann Womack

And that made me realize that sometimes things are not what you thought they would be or don’t work out as planned but that’s when you have to spiritually and mentally choose to make that your situation your own. Choose what you what from it and decide that you owe it yourself to have fun with it. Lose the perception of how it was supposed to be or how it was meant to play out. Make it your own and make it memorable.  Yes I still don’t know how to cook but I now know my way around Pick n Pay. I can tell you why Domestos works way better than Handy Andy and I can tell you how to get your white t-shirts looking brand new again.  I am not the same person I was when I moved out of home, I’m a better person.  And yes there are days when it would easier to pack my stuff and move back home but it would be such a disservice to God who answered my never ending prayer. And looking back at last year, I would haven’t have been able to live out of home. Everything happened at the right time, in God’s time.

I now enjoy own company like never before (I think I’m the funniest person I’ve met). I spend my Friday and Saturday nights in reading or watching movies and series till I fall asleep.  I attempt to cook and live with the consequences of my attempt the next day and I am at the most peaceful I have been in a very long time.  My prayers now end with me saying “God thank you for everything. It’s perfect just as it is.”

Signing off from Braamfontein.

With love, Nollie.

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