One of my best friends recently found someone special. I mean he is everything she could have prayed for. He makes her so happy that you can hear it in her voice when she talks about him. She is an undercover romantic and would rather jump off a building into a pile of Snakes then get chased by Lions than to admit that she likes someone so when she says falling for someone you have to imagine that he is pretty special. But despite how she feels, how happy she is or how the the World hasn’t been the same since he entered, she hasn’t allowed herself to love to her fully capacity because of past hurt. She’s trying so hard to protect herself from not getting hurt again. Protecting herself from yet another heartbreak. Creating scenarios so that she can stay ahead. Getting her heartbreak aid in check for the time things fall apart. All while she’s doing this, she’s pushing further him away. She’s trying love with her heart closed. Its impossible.
Its actually crazy how much we let the past affect our future. We take out our past frustrations and insecurities on people who have not wronged us in anyway and the people who have wronged us in the past have long moved on yet we carry the burden of their actions.
I think its time to forgive ourselves. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you are accepting what the person did to you, forgiving is accepting the situation for what it is and finding your peace.
Forgive ourselves for giving our everything to the last person even when we were warned and be thankful that we came out with life changing lessons.
Forgive ourselves for letting people get the best us. We are only human, we mess up and be thankful that you learnt something about yourself that you would have never known.
Forgive ourselves for allowing people to take advantage of us and be thankful that we have hearts so big that are willing to help others even if it means going to extremes.
Forgive ourselves for hurting people that we never had the courage to apologise to.
Forgive ourselves for all the mean things we have said about ourselves or that others said and that we believed.
Forgive ourselves for comparing ourselves to others. (We are God’s creation therefore we are perfect. End of story)
We will let ourselves down and other people will let us down but one experience cannot determine the outcome for everything. How is that you hold someone else who has a past similar to yours on a pedestal but not yourself? How are you so willing to fix another but not let them help you pick up your pieces off the floor? How is it that you can forgive others but not yourself? How are you trying to love with your heart closed? Its impossible.
Its okay to receive love, my love. You are deserving of love and yes some people in your past may have made you feel like you weren’t but you are worthy and deserving of the love you give to others. The love you give to others should pass through yourself first and then to others.
So wherever you are, in this moment just open your heart to the World.
“When you hold onto your history, you do it at the expense of your destiny”- T.D Jakes
With love, Nollie.