The big move.

There are a few times and moments when my life made complete sense. The first when I had reached the deepest meditation state that only lasted a few minutes and the second was every moment spent with you. I don’t know how to move on, I don’t know where I’m going but I know that I have to. My heart wants to stay but my head knows that its time to leave.

We’ve procrastinated this move long enough now. Β We’ve finished too many bottles of wine while packing our shit. We’ve stayed up all night discussing how we could fix things & we got excited at every sound on the door hoping it was you. But it was just the window blowing, reminding me that seasons are changing and that it was time for me to change. The tug of war between my heart and head have landed me in utter confusion. I don’t know whether to cry because I’ll never speak to you again or to be happy because I got to experience you. Not every one is going to know what we felt and it will never make sense for some people. But we existed. Me and you were once magical. So tonight I’m leaving with my head and heavy heart. Β My heart has given up hope and is packing up its last few belongings. My head won’t rejoice in its victory because it too in some way wanted the heart to prove it wrong.

Our luggage is so packed with memories that we can’t leave with them all (its too heavy) so we’re going to leave some behind. My head and heart are helping each other with the load that we can carry, Β working together again, they’re a team again. I’m closing the windows that we once looked at our future through. I’m turning off the lights but I’ll leave a little candle for our room. Our room that was once filled with so much light and love does not deserve to be left in darkness.

My Heart won’t stop weeping as we walk away and my Head doesn’t know how to comfort heart. Head has never seen Heart so broken.

Maybe another couple will stumble unknowingly in our room just as we did. And the candle will be the little spark they need to push them into believing in one another.

My Heart left the key under the mat just incase you meet someone new and need to make a space of your own.

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