My friend Thulani and I were talking over lunch a few weekends ago and we started to talk about all the people we had once been really close to that we no longer speak to and if we did speak them then the situation was awkward or things are hostile. Firstly I was happy not to be the only person who goes through this and secondly I was shocked that guys go through it too (it was a bit comforting). He said “I’m so tired of having hostile situations with people. You have someone that you are really close to and share intimate moments with and the next thing when things go wrong, you act like complete strangers. It’s sad. I’m living like this now Nollie: If you miss someone then tell them, if you like someone then show them. Life is too short for all this”
It got me thinking about all the people that I had once been really close with be it friends, ex boyfriends or former colleagues. These people who had once given me such great joy and then had just disappeared from my life. All these people that I missed terribly. I missed their company, their sense of humor, their touch, their smiles and their drama. There had been so many moments when I experienced something great or sad and I wasn’t able to call these people. That sucked and hurt so bad. Most of these people I had shared many intimate moments with. Be it sleepovers, first kiss, first day of high school with, getting drunk together for the first time, birth of family members and even funerals. There was a connection that would hold us together forever whether we are on speaking terms or not.
There have been so many times that I had picked up my phone drafted long text messages explaining how much I missed the person and how I hope they are doing well and hope I pray for their happiness but I would never have the courage to press send. My pride just wouldn’t let me. My pride would tell me that they aren’t going to reply or ask me why I should be the first to reach out and the worst thing my pride would tell me is that the person doesn’t miss you the same way you miss him or they have most likely forgotten about me.
Fast forward a week and I bumped into an old friend that I had once been extremely close with. We haven’t spoken in about a year and a half but she looked at me and I looked her and our connection was still there and it lit up the whole room. We talked for a bit and then she said “I’ve missed you so much! I was just so scared to tell you” then we went on to have one of those “OMG I missed you way more’ moments. Then it dawned upon me that it was pride that had kept us away from each other. As scared as I was to reach out first, so was she. I missed her just as much as she missed me. Pride had deceived us.
I believe that pride and misunderstanding will always be the longest distance between people. If only we would do what our hearts tell us to do and not let our pride have its way with us. Just tell people how we really feel even if it means being the first to say ‘Hi’ or being the first to admit that you were wrong or being the first to say ‘I miss you”. Even if the person doesn’t reply, you will get closure in knowing that you tried.
So if there is someone you thought of while reading this article that you haven’t spoken to in a while and miss so much, I ask you to drop your pride and say something to them. Don’t start over thinking it, just do it!
With love, Nollie.