Yes, I’m single and no I’m not looking.

I don’t know how many candles I’ve held, how many times I’ve been the third wheel on dates or how many times I’ve been the single friend on couple weekend away trips.  It’s not even about having someone with you, it’s about looking at all the love that’s around and wondering where your love is right now. Its waking up to make coffee and seeing couples cuddled up on the couch and taking your single ass back to bed, sitting next to the love seats in the cinema and trying your hardest to watch the movie and not the people making out right next to you or falling asleep at sleepovers with while listening to your friend giggling on the phone with her boyfriend. It’s about knowing your place and knowing when to be a third wheel (That sucks!).

And then people start to think that they can help you with your single situation. People tend to look at the single friend like the community project. A project that all friends can come together and try help so they try hook you up with their boyfriend’s friend cause they are getting sick of having to entertain you or try include you in ‘couple things’. And everyone keeps asking you the same question: You’re so beautiful, smart and fun. I don’t understand why you are single (If I hear this one more time I’m going to pull a Solange stunt)

Maybe that’s why almost every time I’ve been in a relationship, I just wanted to show my person off. To finally show my love even if that love wasn’t worthy of my love. So desperately wanting to show everyone that I too can be loved. It’s holding onto toxic relationships because it’s easier than having to explain why you’re single again. It’s easier going to bed mad at someone knowing that you’re atleast on their mind than going to bed alone knowing that no one is thinking about you. It’s easier making excuses for reasons why someone didn’t pitch (when there really is no reason. They just didn’t want to come) than is it to explain why you’re at another party alone without a date.

But no one thinks that maybe I want to be single.

I don’t know if it’s occurred to anyone that maybe we want to be single. Us (single friends) may be annoying but we are the ones who are here when you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to your vent. That single friend that is always down to party with you when your man is out of town or that single friend is always there even when you don’t want them to. Has it occurred anyone that single people go on double dates for the fun of it? That we might genuinely like not being hit on for those four hours of the day (because we’re so hot). Has it occurred to anyone that the single friend has many options but chooses not to act on them because they enjoy their own company?

I for one really enjoy being single. I save on airtime, data and money (kidding!) but seriously though I enjoy being single because I genuinely enjoy my own company. I don’t get the point of wanting to share your company with another person when you can’t enjoy your own company. Why is it that you need a partner for you to do fun things? Why not have a picnic by yourself or watch a romantic movie by yourself? Why does the presence of someone else have so much influence on how fun you will have? Why can’t you just have fun and make memories with yourself? The sad thing about making memories with temporary people is that the memories are permanent. Long after the person leaves, the memories will stay and haunt you. All that positive energy wasted on someone that no longer thinks about you.

I’m grateful to be single and be surrounded by great couples. I just look at the way Tondi treats Irene and speaks so highly of her and promise myself that I will never let a guy treat me with any less respect. I look at Sanisha and Cameron and see how spontaneous they are and promise myself that I will never let a guy steal my fun away from me (you can stay at home but I’m still going out). I look at Tebogo and Maropeng and see even after so long, they are still so madly inlove with each other and promise myself that I will never force a spark that has died out. Instead of looking at my situation and finding faults, I look at the positive aspects of my situation. I feel blessed to be surrounded by so much love and even though it’s not mine, it brings light into my life.



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