Look at God!

“Look at God!” was the caption under the first photo of my niece my dear friend Zena wrote on the Instagram picture, look at God! I fell in love with this caption. Not only was she saying my niece was a beautiful creation of God but that my niece herself was God (I just got Goosebumps). My sister moved out of my mother’s house late in 2013 and all I could think is “I finally have my own room!” 18 years later and 4 houses later, finally I have my own room. So out the second single bed went and in went my dream catcher and Rihanna posters. Finally my own room (Look at God!). I always thought I would throw crazy sleepovers when I finally got my room but I surprising just wanted to be alone.

But alone wasn’t in God’s plan for me. My sister had moved in with her boyfriend after finding out she was pregnant. She was 20, young and in love. My mum was scared as she herself was a young mother at 19 but having abortion wasn’t even an option. My sister and I had had turned out just fine (well kind of lol) but when I look at my life and all I’ve been through all I can say is “Look at God!”

My niece was born on the 24th of April 2014 weighing in at a healthy 2.9kg. I thought I’d known love before she was born but boy was I wrong.  My sister and I had taken it upon ourselves months before to choose the most amazing name we could find for her. The idea that my niece would be half of my sister who is half of me just stuck with me. There would be another person in the world who had a part of me roaming around. A part of me? She’s practically mine. Hmm mine. I liked the idea of someone being mine, my very own, Owami. That’s it! Owami. Owami is a Zulu word that means mine, something of my own. It was fitting for her. So Owami we named her.

Aunty duties.
Aunty duties.

I couldn’t hold my niece the day she was born because of hospital rules (Damn you Life Hospital!) We fought and pleaded and begged the nurses but they wouldn’t try hear us out. So there I was throwing a tantrum in the visiting area because they wouldn’t let me see her. I even started crying at a point (gosh I take it over board at times). I finally got to see her through the fingerprinted glass. She was so perfect and… she was mine. My mum was holding her up for us to see and I couldn’t remember when last my mum had been so proud and overjoyed. The sight of them was Godly.

There is such beauty in dysfunctional situations if you allow yourself to see it. You never know what’s coming your way, it may be bad or it may be good but either way it has to be accepted so you might as well let it be beautiful. Fast forward 4 months later and my sister moved back home when life happened as it always does and my honeymoon I-have-my-own-room phase was over. My very own Owami was about to take over (Ha ha very funny God)

The first week with a 4 month old baby was such an adjustment. Sleep became a foreign concept, cries became a part of silence and baby city had moved into my room. I was grumpy and sleep deprived using varsity as an escape… To sleep in lectures (Waddup Psychology!) but somewhere somehow a part of just couldn’t wait to get home and look into her big eyes and long eyelashes.  (Finally a female in our family has naturally long eyelashes 😀 Look at God!). Oh and to hold her and get drooled on. (It’s all part of the aunty duties). With a baby around you start to appreciate 5 minutes of silence and alone time. I sneezed the other day and my niece woke up screaming because I had scared the baby jeepies out of her. Everything has to be adjusted even sneezes.

But having her around has changed me so much as person. I had this crazy perception that my sister would give birth and within in the next month we’d hand the baby over to my mum and we’d be back clubbing and

Owami- My very own.
Owami- My very own.

doing our thing. Man was I in for a surprise. From the time my sister fell pregnant the club never saw me again until only 3 months after she had given birth. And when we finally went I realised I had not missed a thing. Clubs were still the same, the people were still the same, and the music was still the same. Or maybe it was me that had changed I don’t know

I now definitely look at my niece and see God and see all that God has done through her in our lives. My sister and I are a lot closer than we have ever been before. My mother is a lot more relaxed and is finally starting to see us as adults (Oh God please can she let me move out!) and we our little family of 3 and a half people has grown so much closer. I have changed a lot myself. I’ve grown up so much it’s so scary. The girl I used to be last year and the girl I am now have nothing in common (honestly I think she drinks too much) but I would not have it any other way. It gets overwhelming and stressful and how I wish I could have 2 days of sleep but this is my new life now and I love it. And whenever I think I can’t do it anymore, I look for God and there I find beauty, love and so much peace.

♡

P.s : We’re moving out in December to a house that has enough rooms for everyone. Thank you God!

Nothando Dlamini

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